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Dear Dad,
I am grateful to you for many things, of course. I am grateful for life, for a youth filled with fun memories, a comfortable and secure home, and with ample provision of opportunities for personal growth. I usually took these things for granted, I fear, but I appreciated them more as I struggle to provide them for my children.
What I did appreciate when I was young and appreciate even more now is the expression of love manifested in patience and long suffering more than in punishment, the threat of punishment and the abusive and even violent language. Two of countless examples come to mind.
The first example is in the spankings I received. I remember only two. The first occurred when, as a boy of 4 or 5, I slugged you in the face and broke your glasses. I remember being surprised - not at the spanking, which I expected - but at its mildness. I had not anticipated that my blow would be so destructive, but after it was, I expected an angry and violent response from you. Instead, I got a response that was marvelously controlled, and one that even I-- as young as I was - recognized as appropriate and, indeed, merciful.
The second spanking took me completely by surprise. I was 10 or 11 years old. Mom had asked me to do something and I had responded angrily with a slight slap on her leg. To my amazement, (and I think to mom’s and Loni’s), you charged across the living room, jumped over the sofa that divided the room into living and dining areas, threw me over your knee, spanked me a couple of times and said, “I hope this teaches you never to strike a woman.”
I was too surprised to be hurt. At the time, I complained about the punishment being more than I deserved for such a slight slap, but I soon realized that it was given not as a violent response to a personal attack, but as a vigorous lesson on a principle.
I’ll end this reminiscence with an example of teaching with patience that I often think on. I had received my first job ( cleaning your office) and in anticipation of receiving my first pay check I had chosen several books from catalogues I had ordered.
As you handed me that first check you asked, “What do you intend to do with the money?” I responded by promptly naming the books and the approximate cost of each. “And what else did you plan to do with the money?” you asked. I was a little surprised because I thought the books I had mentioned would cost the $25 I had to spend.
But thinking I might have been a little short of the sum, I named a few books I had planned to buy with the next check. Since that took me well beyond the $25, I was amazed when you said again, “And what else did you plan to do with the money?” But I obliged with a few more books. When you repeated the question again, I couldn’t help but think, “Poor Dad, no wonder he is always complaining about not having enough money. He can’t add.”
After I had run through enough books to spend 4 or 5 future checks, I finally said, “Oh, and I plan to pay my tithing.”
“I was hoping you were planning on that,” you said simply. Actually, I had, in my excitement forgotten all about tithing. It was a lesson I have never forgotten.
I hope you have a very happy 75th birthday.
Love, |